Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Another brilliant Craigslist post

While checking out jobs on Craigslist yesterday, I discovered this lucrative opportunity for a vertically-challenged individual:

"need a midget to pump a keg at a party

looking to hire a midget to pump the kegs at a house party on sat 4/21

bonus points if you are good at talking shit"

I laughed out loud in a quiet public setting. It was awkward, but worth it.

Monday, March 19, 2007

A Crazy Dream!

I was having a nap in the campus center between classes to refresh myself and I had one of the craziest dreams I've ever had. Someone who believes in dream symbolism would have a field day with this one! It's just really weird and full of random and unexpected things. Before you continue, I'll warn you that it's long. I've only told the dream in its entirety to one person, who later informed me that my recitation took about fifteen minutes. I don't know how long fifteen minutes translates to in writing, but be prepared to read for a bit.
Here goes nothing:

I found myself at a hotel. I was somewhere to watch my brother in a ski race. The hotel was white and clapboarded. It looked more like a house, which it may have been. There was a mall across the street and I decided to go inside and look around. I found myself in a very high part of the mall, several floors up. I think there was an elevator that brought me there. I was on a small balcony with a corridor extending to my left, a railing to my right, and a spiral staircase ahead of me. I went up the staircase, but found nothing. As I turned to go back down the stairs, I was greeted by a white rabbit wearing a colorful bowler hat. The rabbit looked more like a small dog though, and it jumped up to put its front paws on my knees, greeting me. Then it ran down the stairs and naturally, I followed it. It went down the corridor, where I saw two doorways on the left, and a group of people seated on the floor against the right wall, just hanging out. The right side of the second door frame approached a small wall that stuck out and then made a ninety degree turn and continued as the corridor wall. A picture has been provided to help you understand.
The lower section of this small wall and the bit of wall abutting the door frame was made of several rectangular mirrors.

In the corner of these two walls was a very small goat, but it was stretched out vertically and it was floating. I've provided a picture of what a goat might look like in this position, although the goat in my dream was much more vertical and almost flattened. The goat was spinning on a vertical axis. I examined it with curiosity, then entered the room.

Inside the room, I saw a rug and in the back corner, there was a simple desk. On top of the desk was a strange, almost circular, donut shaped contraption. It had many sides sloping outward from a hole in the center (see diagram). The rabbit was repeatedly smashing the mirrors and they would immediately reform.

I decided to go and get my camera from the hotel, I think, to take some pictures of this stuff. When I got back, I tried to photograph the spinning goat. The problem is that none of the pictures were quite in focus, as though the goat did not want me taking pictures of it. Then, I remembered the first room, which I hadn't entered. I went inside and saw three things against the right wall, a couch stretching back into the shadows, a lamp next to the couch that was turned on and closer to the door, and finally, filling the space between the lamp and the doorway was a low, two shelved bookcase. On the lower shelf of the bookcase were three thin candles arranged symetrically around a small photograph of a woman.

I bent down to examine what looked to be a tiny altar on the shelf and accidentally knocked over one of the candles. The next thing I knew, I was in a room, watching a woman give birth, but only for a moment. Then, I was back in the other room and there were two formless, translucent blobs sitting on the couch. "Congratulations!" I said. "The baby made it!"
"I could have saved the mother too, if you hadn't knocked over the candle," shot back a male voice from one of the blobs. I remembered the candle and carefully placed it upright, but at that moment, I came to the realization that I was dead. It was punishment for the death of the woman. Attempting to get on the blobs' good side, I offered to take their picture. I searched around for my camera and found several, but none of them were mine. I excused myself to go back to the hotel and fetch my camera and went back outside. I saw the hotel with smoke pouring out, people running from the doorway, and emergency vehicles surrounding the building. Then, I noticed another mall and decided to go inside that one. I found myself in a novelty shop, sort of like a Spencer Gifts. A cashier yelled out that they were closing and everyone had to leave. I left, realizing that no one could interact with me because I was dead. They couldn't see, hear, touch, or smell me. I started down an arcade of the mall and noticed that my hair was a mess. I walked into a salon with the intention of taking a brush, when I heard someone calling out to someone else. I turned around and saw a member of the Spanish royal family standing in the middle of the mall, except she was wearing a very patriotic costume. I think it was a shiny, puffy Uncle Sam suit. She was calling up an escalator leading to the second floor. I started down the hallway toward the food court and came upon another escalator, this one coming down from above. I turned and saw more members of the royal family getting off of the escalator, all dressed in American patriotic costumes. I turned around and kept walking toward the food court. As I approached the seating area, a voice said, "Hey! Yeah, I thought you were one of us!" Spinning around, I was faced with a boy about my age or a little younger. "You're dead too?" I inquired. "Yes. Only the dead can interact with the dead," he stated. He motioned for me to pull up a chair at a table with his friends. Midway through the meal, he began ranting about someone who I recognized immediately as a teammate of my brother's. I asked the kid if he knew my brother and he said, "Sure! It's too bad the coach won't let him race. He doesn't think he's ready yet. Plus, they think he might have killed you." "Yeah, it sucks," I agreed.

Then I was woken by a phone call. That's my dream and thanks for reading. I wonder where it might have gone from there. Does it mean anything? I'd like to think maybe, but I don't know what.

Monday, March 5, 2007

Backpacking Trip

I'm really excited for another reason besides Bonnaroo. I'm planning/leading a backpacking trip over my April break down to Virginia. I haven't been backpacking in so long and I'm really pumped! I think we're going to go down to Shenandoah National Park
and maybe hiking a section of the AT for a few days. I was a little disappointed at first, because there didn't seem to be much interest, but now I have a total of seven potential backpackers! I'm looking for a few more, because I'm pretty sure some people won't end up coming. I think five to seven people is an ideal number in terms of group management. Too many people can get really complicated and problematic, while too few people can be dangerous in its own way.

Here's a majestic waterfall in Shenandoah because I know you care:


I'm going to Bonnaroo!!!! If you don't know, Bonnaroo is a killer three day music festival that began in 2002 and has been growing in popularity every year since. It's held in June at a farm in Manchester, Tennessee. Some of the headlining bands this year are The Police (sorta weird, but it'll be awesome), The White Stripes (YAY!), Tool (meh), Widespread Panic (dunno). Other top highlights in my opinion are The Flaming Lips, Manu Chao, The Black Keys, Franz Ferdinand, The Decemberists, Regina Spektor, DJ Shadow, Girl Talk, Lewis Black, and Dave Attell. The other acts, I don't really know, but some sound cool. I'm really excited. I'm going with my best friend from forever and some of his friends. My brother and his friend might join us and I know a few other people who are considering going. I don't really know what to expect, but as long as I go into it expecting to have fun, I will.

Here's an aerial view of the festival from maybe 2006:

Also, the concert poster, with a tentative lineup:

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Sucks for this kid

This kid looks so incredibly miserable. I would feel sorry for him if I wasn't laughing my ass off.

Monday, January 29, 2007


You can view an archived stream of the Carter speech mentioned below by clicking the title of this post or by clicking HERE. Worth a look.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Jimmy Carter spoke at Brandeis today

Former President Carter came and spoke today at Brandeis, giving a much-hyped speech about his new much-hyped book. His book is about the Arab-Israeli conflict and is seen by many as being decidedly anti-Israeli. I thought up a witty headline to sum up the matter: "Carter Takes Unorthodox View of Arab-Israeli Conflict." Tickets to the speech took hours to get and the line to get in was long as well. They had metal detectors and x-rays. You weren't even allowed to have a cell phone with you. His speech was actually pretty good although I agree with some people who said that parts of his speech were playing to the Brandeis crowd. I felt his introduction was particularly defensive and also brought up all of his achievements to win people over. He made some good points in favor of the Palestinians and fielded questions very well though. After Carter spoke, Professor Alan Dershowitz of Harvard Law School gave a sort of rebuttal, which I didn't stay for. The whole event was streamed to multiple locations on campus and some news crews from major stations were there. I'll bet you can find the speech, or at least clips online if you're interested.